It’s so much like life isn’t it? We have fears. Some of us face and embrace while others deny and run. I have fears of my actions blowing up at me, like the tire under too much pressure, I fear the explosion I may cause and I will walk away from my fears to ‘save face’ instead of facing my fears to achieve grace… Kathy has had some of the biggest fears to face and yet she has faced them with peace and love and dignity. She has allowed the power of God to give her confidence and assurance. I am sure when she learned of what she was facing she must have felt that her life was exploding… but she never lost control and never walked away (and she never hid across the street letting someone else do her dirty work)

Kathy is now facing her final days, where each breath is succulent and though I selfishly fear the day, she is resting in it. There are no more moments of our endless giggles, making fun of odd people that pass us by or eating cake in the middle of the night. But there are endless memories of girls weekends and get togethers with Cindy, Kathy and Me. Countless laughs still to be had over ‘Kathy math’. There are years of marital replay for Bryan, loving memories for Kira and endless, timeless and ageless recall for Larry, Grace and Ken as they have watched her changing from a tot to a lady. 

Kathy is now on hospice and resting much more comfortably with better medication. She had been restless and talking nonsensically for the past few days. Kathy’s family best describes the last 24 hours with Kathy as trying to listen to Charlie Brown’s teacher… wuah wuah, waaaauh wa wa wahhhh. No body knows what she was trying to say, but she was insistent on trying to say it… to someone in the corner that we couldn’t see. They say that as you are approaching your final days/hours it is common to see your spiritual guide who will help you cross over. Reportedly this is someone you have trusted in the past. If this is true, we believe that she was probably talking to someone who was helping her. (I had never heard this before today, but three people told me about it in less than 12 hours so it must be true, right?)

So, face your fears. Trust in God. Breathe succulently and take chances. Lastly, be at peace, Kathy is.

Hope to see you at the fund raiser tomorrow!
Laura

When I was a kid, I prayed to pass a test in Social Studies. I had difficulties with memorization and my test was on States and Capitols. I got a 27% and a lecture on studying with that test. A year or two later I needed to dissect a frog. I didn’t want to do it so I tried to bargain my way out of it, I would give or do ANYTHING if God would keep me from having to do this. God didn’t listen, or I had nothing God wanted because I had to dissect that frog anyhow. I was angry that God didn’t listen to my wishes…. who is HE anyhow??? What happened to ‘ask and ye shall receive’ and ‘knock and the door shall be opened unto you’? I felt I was gypped!

Many years and great teachings later by the Master Himself I learned about will. There is my will, the thing where I leave things behind and assign them to those I love (I only have about 200 sets of salt and pepper shakers to give away so don’t bother begging me for anything… it’s just not worth it!). Then there is my will, or better said, what I wish for or want, the way I want it (something similar to that Burger King commercial… I want it MY way). I learned that in this circumstance, my will was just not worth the upset when I didn’t get on my terms. Honestly, how often is it that we ask for what we want and don’t get it? Or it isn’t all it was ‘cracked up to be’? We get that PERFECT shirt, only to stain it on the very first hour, or we get the job we just begged God for and it turns out to be hard-bum labor that was in no way evident in the job description… If we pay attention to what we don’t get and what makes us unhappy- not getting our way, our wishes, our will- we can find the common denominator. It’s I, Me, We, Our. 

God never once asked us to go it without Him. The very Our Father, said so often, sung at celebrations, read word for word and taught to the very young tells us that we should be seeking HIS WILL.

It’s plain as day… we should be asking for God’s will to be done and not ours. Ok, *Laura sighs* so I gave up asking for what I want and I only asked for His will. In the end, God and I were still separated. Why? Because I did not make my will and His will the same. Now I know I am no bible expert and am no one to be preaching but do keep in mind that I have had my share of experiences and have made several feeble attempts to get through it my own way. I could never shake the end disappointment, always somehow dissatisfied. I needed to learn to make my will God’s will. Unite my wishes. Learn that if it isn’t the way God wants it, then I don’t want it either. I needed to learn that God is the Master Planner so I have to leave the planning to Him.

How does this apply to Kathy today? Well, I want to share how I pray…

First, I want to thank everyone for being so supportive, offering prayers, good thoughts and well wishes to the Comstock/Williams families and especially to Kathy through the trials she has pursued through.

Kathy remains on a morphine pump and requires its assistance quite regularly. She is scheduled today to have some of the fluid drained from her abdomen to make her more comfortable. This should help the distention and the pressure it is putting on her organs. It’s hard enough that the cancer is so painful so any relief is a welcome relief!

Kathy’s physicians and family are trying to get one last oncology consult in the hospital to make certain nothing has been overlooked. It is Kathy’s wish to be free from the pain. Quite honestly, she has been heroic through this and has taken on more pain than I could EVER stand. The hope for the very near future (aside from a miracle) is to get her out of the hospital, begin level one hospice care at home…

The days have been difficult, emotional and somehow uplifting. Kathy’s faith is stronger than anyone would ever expect and she is at as much peace as possible knowing her days here are limited. Kathy continues to laugh and smile between the tears and pain. I don’t know how she does it but I am thankful.

The other day I was resting with my head on my mom’s lap when mom said to me ‘Don’t you wish you were a little kid again and you could just sit in my lap and I could make it all better?’. Oh do I EVER miss those days… mom’s lap, cry a bit, kiss the booboo and run and play. I have had many trials in my life and there have been days I have said I would never want to live through again but today I have changed my mind. I would go back to any age, anytime to have more days with my friend.

Due to all of the complicated and difficult tasks Kathy and her family are facing as well has Kathy’s fragility, pain and need for rest the hospital and family have requested that anyone wishing to visit call the nurses station ahead of time to see if Kathy is able to have visitors. Her condition is unpredictable. If you chose to visit at the hospital and do not call first, you will not be able to get into Kathy’s room with out checking at the nurses station first.

Thank you again for all of the time, energy, prayers and well wishes…

Laura

and Kathy, Bryan, Kira, Grace, Larry, Ken and Cheryl

P.S. I did offer to sit on mom’s lap again but all she could say to me was ‘ouch’…